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Broken Hearted !
|Author||Topic: Broken Hearted !|
posted 10-22-2001 05:33 PM ET (US)
Last Saturday I was all set to take the 13 out for a short fishing trip with my son, Jamie. Some of you know he has Cystic Fibrosis, and he is my best friend and fishing buddy. He told me that he would rather play golf with his buddies. He gets to play golf about 5 days a week in the summer and 3-4 days a week in the fall and spring at the local country club. The point is this is the first time he told me he would rather play golf. Man am I bummed. I winterized the 13 on Saturday instead. I don't like to play golf but I guess I'll have to. Regards, Jay
posted 10-22-2001 06:52 PM ET (US)
Life does hurt somtimes. I have a 16 year old son Brandon. He is getting to the point that sometimes he had rather be hunting with his friends than fishing with me. I know how you feel. On the other side of the fence, I will be out of commission for a little while anyway. I had my right knee operated on, on the 12th of this month. The rest of the fall I will be on crutches so I guess it is good that he has friends to go with and have a good time. At least I won't have to worry about him hanging out on the street late at night not knowing where he is.
posted 10-22-2001 07:37 PM ET (US)
My daughters love to go with me out on the Whaleróas long as they have a friend with them. Without the friend, they would rather stay home. So we always bring one or two friends with us.
posted 10-22-2001 09:12 PM ET (US)
Thank goodness for all the families that are able to share and do share time with their children, whether on the water or not. My daughters still love to fish, hunt, play golf or ride horses with their dad. they are only 8 and 4 so maybe I have a few more years with them. Great idea to bring friends along at least you get to share with your daughters and there friends love it too. Boston Whalers are truly family boats.
posted 10-22-2001 09:16 PM ET (US)
Hey, I remember well the time I offered to take my then 8-year old son out of school for a whole day to go fishing, and he declined because he would miss baseball practice! I fish and hunt avidly. He took to neither. He was first and foremost a ball player, and any activity that didn't contain the potential for bodily collisions at high rates of speed was too tame for him. So, no big deal. I never missed a game, and went fishing and hunting by myself when I had the time.
The flip side of this is that he was and is a wonderful kid. Now, at age 25, he is my best friend. Even when he was a teenager I never got stupid or embarassing in his eyes.
Maybe respecting his individuality aided in this.
posted 10-22-2001 10:17 PM ET (US)
Don't dispair, JFM. At 13, most young men and women would rather be with their peers than us "old people". Even though they love us as much as ever, their genes are telling them to put aside childish things (like quality time with Dad).
One of my 8 grandsons, Daniel, has just hit that stage and would rather "hang out" with peers than fish with Granpa or his Dad.
Daniel's Dad did the same thing when he hit 13. By the time he was 20 he was back fishing with his Dad and has been my best fishing buddy for the following 17 years.
Jamie will be back after a brief interruption for adolescence.
Red sky at night. . .
posted 10-22-2001 10:18 PM ET (US)
Jay, I know how you feel. I went through the same thing with my children, and now I can see it starting with my oldest grandaughter, it is heart breaking I know but you will still have a lot wonderful times with your children. Be thankful you've raised a great son who has friends and is going hunting instead of all the horrible things so many teens are getting into these days.
Your post has caused me to look back on my teen years when I started breaking away from going fishing with my dad and to family functions, to go hunting and fishing with my friends. I lost my dad about a year ago, friends move on and kids grow up so now my wife is my fishing partner. Oh how I wish I could spend one more day fishing with my dad.
Keep your chin up and enjoy the times you do have together.
posted 10-22-2001 10:42 PM ET (US)
My dad was not a "kid" person. We never fised, played ball, etc. After a divorce that lasted 7 years, my sister and I were pretty confused. Both our parents were too.
I bought my Whaler just so I could have quality time with the kids doing "our thing," be it fishing or just crusing around.
I'm glad you have such a good relationship with your son. I'm also sure that it will be one of the most precious parts of his life.
Keep the faith, he'll be back.
posted 10-23-2001 02:24 AM ET (US)
Knock it off!! You guys are making cry. I have a son who turns 7 Nov. 1 and I don't know how I'm going to handle all this. You guys give some good advice I'm going to take to heart. Thanks.
posted 10-23-2001 04:30 AM ET (US)
I guess misery does love company cause all of a sudden I donít feel as bad. My kids 12 & 13 donít come fishing with us anymore :(
My wife has been my fishin buddy for a few years now. The kids still come out on occasion, but only after we agree to the following conditions a) they drive b) they get to go fast, and launch off waves c) NO FISHING d) MOST IMPORTANT Ė they pick the junk food.
Iíve concluded that fishing with the wife isnít all bad Ė at least I get to drive.
posted 10-23-2001 08:45 AM ET (US)
Well, to lighten things up a bit, or at least flip the story a bit, I have fished and hunted with my dad since I was five, and never in moderation. This last year I have not been able to get him out tuna fishing, he always wanted to, but has been crazy busy. I really missed having him on all the trips (he missed probably 7 fishing trips in all), but I know he will be back. I thank God that He has kept not only us together, but also many of my uncles and cousins together chasing fins and feathers. I only say this to remind you that there are seasons in everyones lives when we get busy or have other "priorities", but I would bet that someday they remember with fondness the time on the water together and you will have your buddy back... Mike
posted 10-23-2001 08:50 AM ET (US)
Thank you all for your kind word of wisdom. It made me reflect on my life as a teen and made me realize that he is just growing up. I do have a 16 year old daughter that is starting to date, but still takes me to the father daughter dance, goes for rides on the boats and takes me shopping (Mom isn't a soft touch).But neither Mom or Emily like to fish. The more I think about it, the real reason I like to fish so much was to watch my son catch them or even hand him my pole when I knew I had a big one. Playing golf won't be so bad, it's all about the time together. Regards, Jay
posted 10-23-2001 12:07 PM ET (US)
i'm a former state junior champ (2 handicap) 20 years ago now. golf's not so bad.
posted 10-23-2001 12:11 PM ET (US)
I can see both sides of this coin. My dad lives 4 houses down the street. He's always itching to go for a boat ride. There are times when he asks if I want to go for a boat ride that I would really love to blow off whatever mundane thing I am supposed to be doing whether it be mowing the lawn, painting the house, volunteering at church, or working (Dad's retired). But none the less, my wife and I make it a point to go for boat rides with dad atleast a couple of times a month, which is why I don't feel so bad that my whaler hasn't been off the dock in 7 weeks (sad when you live on the water in Florida!).
posted 10-23-2001 01:12 PM ET (US)
I have my whaler stored in my side yard behind a 6' high cedar fence. I noticed over the week end my 14 year old daughter wrote on the inside of the fence with chalk,
"Boston Whalers Rock"
I think that means she like it.
posted 10-23-2001 01:38 PM ET (US)
Crosley, my sons a 12 handicap on a pretty tough corse at 13, and getting better. Do you give lessons so I can break 90? I do play with him in some father son tournaments but he always kicks my but. Maybe thats why I like fishing better. No he usually kicks my but fishing also. Thank you all for getting me unbummed. Like some of you say, he'll be back. Also, he could be sicker or hanging around with the wrong crowd. Carpe Diem, Jay
posted 10-23-2001 02:53 PM ET (US)
I should keep this in mind when my 8 year old wants to do something and I'm too busy restoring the teak, right?
George wants to fish soooo bad. In September he was casting off the beach and got a silver on. He was really excited! It threw the hook, but that did not seem to matter to him.
I think we have the opposite problem... he wants to fish, and I don't fish. Maybe I can run the boat. Any advice?
posted 10-23-2001 03:40 PM ET (US)
Taylor, you can never have the past back. With that in mind, your son is at the age where the time you spend with him is most valuable to the both of you. My son and nephew still talk about the time I took them fishing for the first time in the gulf. They both caught their first black tip sharks. I did nothing but pilot, untangle and unhook. But it's a day none of us will ever forget. Regards, Jay
posted 10-23-2001 04:23 PM ET (US)
It is easy to hold off on purchasing a new motor or boat sometimes due to the cost, but with kids, you just have a few years between old enough and too old for boating and fishing with the old man. My son is 9, daughter 6, thanks for reminding me that the clock is ticking. Kelly
posted 10-23-2001 07:57 PM ET (US)
My Son Cory will be 2 years old next May 2002, and I hope to take him out in the Currituck for slow rides on Lake Erie, and maybee a little fishing, all with my wife and dog Mandy too! I think it will be a lot of fun. I hope he turns on to Fishing and Hunting also, but I guess if he doesn`t you have to just love them and let it go and do things together that you both like. Regards-Jack Graner.
|John from Madison CT||
posted 10-23-2001 08:44 PM ET (US)
Excellent post. One of the reasons I bought my new 17' Montauk ( actually the '89 I posted about a few weeks ago) , which by the way arrived last Friday, is that my son just turned 7 years old. It hit me kind of hard how quickly he's growing up and how I could miss the best years of his life (and mine) by waiting for a "better time" to get a boat. Financially I could always find a better more responsible way to spend the $10K , but I want to enjoy the next 5-10 years as best I can.
John from Madison, CT
posted 10-24-2001 12:54 AM ET (US)
THANK YOU, Jay
You have given all of us a reason to reflect on a very importent topic, whether we are a young bucks with young children or an oldster like me with grandkids. Composing my original post and reading all of the other posts has made me a little misty, thanks to all.
posted 10-24-2001 04:35 PM ET (US)
Good outcome all! I went home for lunch today and afterwards worked on a teak bench in the barn behind my house. Next thing I knew my son was home from school. He asked me if I could drop him off at the golf course if I was going back to the office. I was headed back so I gave him a ride. When we arrived and he was getting out of the truck he said, "I love you dad", and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I'm unbummed. Jay
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