posted 08-21-2015 01:10 PM ET (US)
Here are two boating incidents regarding offering assistance:Mind Reading
Last summer we were heading for the boat ramp in Little Current, Ontario, to haul the boat after a week of cruising and living aboard. As we were approaching the ramp, another Boston Whaler boat appeared, coming from the opposite direction. They beat us to the ramp by about 100-feet. I thought it was unusual that there were two boats arriving at this ramp almost simultaneously at this time--it was about 11 a.m. on a weekday--and both were Boston Whaler boats.
The other Boston Whaler tied to the head of the 100-foot-long courtesy dock near the ramp. We tied up at the far end of the dock, about 50-feet behind the first boat.
The other Boston Whaler boat had only a helmsman aboard, but I realized that his wife had just pulled up to the ramp with their tow vehicle and boat trailer. They were ready to load the boat almost immediately. I walked away from the ramp area into the parking lot to retrieve my truck and trailer, which were parked several hundred yards away.
The truck had been baking in the sun for a week with the windows rolled up, it was a very warm day already, and I opened the door, rolled down the windows, and let the truck cool off for a couple of minutes before getting in. I drove over to the ramp.
The other couple had already moved their trailer onto the ramp and positioned it for loading. I parked my truck in the approach to the ramp, which is at right angles to the ramp. My truck was not in any way impeding the ramp for hauling out a boat on the ramp. I walked to the ramp and began walking out the long courtesy dock toward my boat.
At that moment the other boater was just casting off from the courtesy dock to move his boat onto the trailer. His wife was standing by on the courtesy dock.
As I walked along the courtesy dock, the other boater yells over to me, in a tone of voice that seemed rather annoyed and sarcastic, saying:
"Thanks for all your help."
This was the first word of communication that had passed between us in our lives. I didn't know the fellow from Adam, had never seen him before, and had not engaged in any prior conversation with him. I was very surprised at his comment, which seemed to be given in anger and hostility.
His wife was standing on the dock, and as I came up to her, I said:
"I'd be glad to help you out, but you'll have to excuse me; I am not a mind reader. I don't know why your husband is so upset. If he needs help he ought to consider asking for it."
The woman replied with something along this line: "Don't worry, he always gets a bit upset at the boat ramp."
Although I had just made it clear I would be glad to help them, either the fellow or his wife asked me for any help. I continued down the dock to my boat and began preparing it for loading.
When the first boat cleared the ramp, I went back to the truck and backed the trailer down the ramp. We loaded the boat. We didn't have any further communication with the other couple.
Ramp traffic began to pick-up. As we were hauling the trailer and boat up the ramp, another boater drove up with a trailered boat and began to prepare to launch. I don't know if he was going to become upset and angry because I didn't stop my work with my boat to offer to help him.
Unsolicited Help
Another ramp incident involving assistance occurred recently. We came to the ramp on a weekday afternoon. There were no boats waiting to load or launch. We tied to the courtesy dock at the ramp. I fetched the trailer, only about 75-feet away, and backed it down the ramp. Chris and I were on the courtesy dock, maneuvering the boat by lines forward and onto the trailer for initial loading.
While standing on the dock and just as the boat glided onto the trailer position for loading, a fellow appeared and waded into the water at the ramp. He began handling my trailer's winch strap and connecting the strap hook to the bow-eye of my boat. Then he went back to the winch and started to reel-in the winch strap. All this occured without a word from him.
I am a bit taken-aback by this, but I didn't say anything to the fellow to indicate I want him to stop. I walked down the dock, made a U-turn, and got to the back of the truck and the winch. The fellow had then decided he didn't like the way the winch strap was reeling onto the winch and he began to pay out the strap so it could be done again. At this point I said something to him to let him know I would take over and thanked him for his (unsolicited) help.
The intrusion of the assistant into the loading process had upset our usual routine for loading, so we had to shove the boat back off the trailer to correct the alignment. In the process, the winch reel picked up some speed and I stupidly managed to get struck by the handle, now spinning around rapidly and with some force behind it. It struck me on the palm of my left hand on the meaty part of my thumb root. It was a rather forceful blow and it hurt.
The water temperature on this day was about 44-degrees at the ramp. It was very cold water. I immediately immersed my left hand into the cold water. The pain of the cold water soon exceeded the pain from the trauma of the winch handle hitting my palm. I pulled my hand out for a moment and re-immersed it until it was just about numb. Then we finished winching the boat onto the trailer and hauled it out.
A large bruise developed on my left palm and ran down my left forearm about 8-inches. For the next several days I lived on Motrin four-times-a-day. Fortunately, nothing was broken, and after a day or two the swelling went down. After two weeks the bruise was gone.
I suppose this might be rationalization, but I suspect that if the fellow had not jumped-in and started winching up the winch strap, I probably would not have gotten into the predicament with the mis-loading of the boat that resulted, and I would not have nearly broken my left hand with the blow from the winch handle. I have loaded the boat perhaps 100-times and never had that happen. The abnormality of having to shove the boat off the trailer while the winch strap was still attached led to the handle spinning wildly, and my own stupidity or carelessness led to me getting hit by it.
Analysis
The two incidents demonstrate very different amounts of expectation of help and of offering help. In the first incident, the other boater apparently was operating with an expectation that it was obligatory for me to offer to cease my own work with my boat and help him load his boat, and, since I did not spontaneously come forward and offer assistance, I had violated some sort of code among trailer boaters and angered him.
In the second incident the other fellow apparently was following some unspoken rule that he must offer help and also operating under the assumption that I would immediate welcome and benefit from his assistance. He spontaneously inserted himself into the process of loading our boat.
I don't operate under either of those assumptions or acknowledge any of those rules governing a boat ramp. I don't assume everyone wants or needs my help, but, if I am asked for help, I would be willing to provide whatever help I could. I don't typically need help in loading my boat, and I don't expect people to just jump-in. In fact, I would prefer they didn't just jump in, as their assistance may not result in any benefit, and might actually cause more harm than good. My view is simple: provide help if asked and you can, but don't just jump into someone else's process uninvited.